Who Should Pay For A First Date? Her Or Him? The Votes Are In!

21 October

When you ask the question who should pay for a first date, it depends. There are no rules carved into stone at the cattle ranch. But you want to do the right thing.

So, who should pay for a first date? The guy?

Your expectations about this your potential romance can mean a lot when it comes to picking up the tab. If a guy doesn’t pick up the check, a woman can read all kinds of things into the gesture or lack of a reach for the bill.

Why is, it such a big deal talking about who should pay for a first date anyway?

Because you can bank on the fact that your date is judging you in this department. Let’s say a woman is out on a promising date with a prospective man and she’s wondering who should pay for a first date? Him or her?

More than generally a woman is thinking a man should pay for a first date

Both of you might already be nervous, and this adds to the pressure. The jitters can kick in especially if you don’t know what to do when dinner is over, and the waitress brings over that little black book. This course action that happens on most first dates can loom over your mind like a black cloud.

There are a couple of different scenarios of a potential first date

The date isn’t going so well, and you don’t want to go out with this particular person again.

When you’re on a bad first date, you probably don’t care what the person thinks about you because you’ll probably never see him or her again. So, it doesn’t matter much who picks up the tab. On the other hand . . .

The date is going fabulously, and you want to get that first kiss ASAP with that country gal.

If the date is going really well, you’re both probably wondering all kinds of things about the whole situation when it comes to cash register time.

A woman can be thinking about all kinds of things when it comes to who should pay for a first date and here are some examples:

  • If men pay for dates, does it mean they really like me?
  • How can he not pay for the date if he does like me?
  • Will I feel obligated to kiss him if he picks up the check?
  • What if he thinks I’m cheap if I don’t offer to pay half or all of it.
  • Will I look like a gold digger if I let him pay?
  • If I pay will he think I don’t like him?
  • When pulling out my card, what’s he going to think about me?
Women Pay for a First Date

When should a woman pay for a date?

The first date, the second date, the third one, never or sometimes? For now, we’re going to focus on the first date bill.

Don’t feel sorry about the things that go through your mind when it comes to picking up the check on a first date. We’ve all been there and everyone is wondering the answer to this question.

Here are some things a guy could be thinking before the first date bill comes:

  • If I pay for this date will she expect me to pay for everything after this?
  • I really like this woman. There’s no question I’m paying for this date.
  • Maybe I’ll get lucky if I pick up the tab.
  • I’m not sure if I like her, maybe we can go halvsies.
  • I’ll feel like a chump if she picks up the check.
  • Money is kind of tight, and it would be great if she offered to pay for her share.

With all these things aside. What should you do? Who should pick up the tab?

I asked several of my beautiful friends on Facebook and here are some of their responses. It’s all across the board, except not one person said: “The woman should always pay.”

Because as a general rule, that’s not going to happen unless she’s a sugar-mamma or is hugely wealthy.

Here are the results of from my Facebook page on first date expectations:

  • The guy. It's just lovely if she helps out once in a while.
  • Although... she should always be respectful and not take advantage. Balance is key.
  • The guy. Anything less would be rude.
  • Whoever requested the date, unless the 'askie' (in a traditional relationship) is a Male clearly into the woman, then he should be the gentleman.
  • The traditionalist in me says the guy, in a straight relationship ( haven't a clue how that's supposed to work in other relationships) ..... however in an age of equality, perhaps it should be split. Lol
  • I think it’s polite to foot the bill if you are the one who asked for the date. Although, I think if you plan to split things, that should be mentioned when you ask the other person out.
  • On the first date in 2018, I feel the person who makes the request for the “thing that requires money,” should be the one to pay.
  • Whoever asked the other out.
  • Whoever asked
So according to my friends they man should pay for the first date or whoever asked the other person out. But there was another much larger survey from Money and Survey Monkey with 4447 participants. I want to share some research-backed statistics for this one because picking up the check is serious business.

A whopping 78% of people in the Money survey said men should pick up the check on a first date

The survey was a mix of men and women, and 85% of men agreed they should get out the cash and 72% of women agreed with that statement. Even in this time of women’s empowerment and women as a general rule still, want the man to pay for the date.

Even though the percentages speak, there is still some gray area inside the hearts and minds of people who are currently dating in the times when gender roles are being challenged. Things aren’t what they used to be.

According to Alex Williamson, the head of branding at the progressive dating app Bumble, she suggests whoever asks who out should foot the bill on a date.

If you’re on a budget and you want to ask someone out, just make sure you can cover the cost of the bill without expecting the other person to pick up and pay on the first date

So if you do ask a man out to dinner and you’re tight on money, you might want to reconsider your date idea. Coffee, tea, a drink or a walk are other good options because if you ask he there is a possibility that he might not pull out his wallet.

But you, as a woman ask a man out on a date, it also puts you in the driver’s seat in the relationship. Ask yourself a question. Do I want to do all the work in this relationship, make dates, reservations, check on movie times, and pick the guy up?

Most feminine women don’t want to do all the work in the dating world

And masculine men like to feel needed. So if you want to sit back, relax and let the guy do the courting, you will probably enjoy it!

If a man asks you out and you’re still wondering who should pay for a first date, as a rule, the man will usually pick up the tab. Most men want to pay for a first date especially if they are genuinely interested in a lady.

Being traditional isn’t a bad thing on the dating scene and our perceptions shape our societies on the outside starting with the first date

What do you want your relationship to be like in the future if you're going to continue seeing each other?

When you’re on a first date, you are still strangers. What do you want to convey on the date with someone who could be your partner down the road?

Researcher Marisa Cohen in 2016 in her study called It’s Not You, It’s Me…No. Actually It’s You: Perceptions of What Makes a First Date Successful or Not in “Sexuality and Culture.” According to her study, women conclude if they guy picks up the check are probably attracted to them.

The men had the perception that a woman was interested in him if the conversation was pointed in the sexual direction. So, let’s forget about that statement and focus on the check.

What about splitting the bill on a first date?

Going Dutch is more acceptable down the road after few dates, but on the first date, guys, just pick up the check! If you can’t afford dinner, do something cheaper. No woman wants to do the math on a first date.

Women want romance, and men should make a little effort to give her some of it— Lots of it is even better

When you share the cost, it’s like tit-for-tat. Keeping score on a first date is a total turnoff. When a man asks a woman to split the check on a first date, she’ll think you are keeping score. Giving freely to a woman on a first date without expectations or being pushy is sexy.

Women love a man who can control himself and have enough cash in the bank to pay for dinner

Also when men pick up the check, it shows a woman that you care for her enough to take care of her. She will see you as more of a potential partner who could be a sexy supporter in her life. I dated a man years ago, and if he did something nice for me he would then say, “Now you owe me!”

Needless to say, it didn’t work out. I always felt like he had a tally of every nice thing he had done for me on a score sheet so he could hold it over my head.

When a man is into a woman, letting her know you want to pay for dinner will give you an unfair advantage over other men who were cheapskates. And don’t forget to leave a generous tip. Lousy advice will leave a bad impression on any woman.

So enjoy paying for your first date fellas, it will make you seem like the kind of man she will want to go out with again! If you don’t know what to say to a woman online there are some tricks to get that first date.
Share to:
Dina Colada_profile_image
Dina Colada
Dating Expert

Dina Colada is dating coach who has appeared on MSN, YourTango and Women’s Health. She helps singles date the smart way. Get her free love-attracting book and audio tracks at DinaColada.com

You Might Enjoy

Post Image

New Years Eve Ideas For Singles — Have No FOMO!

The holidays are almost over, but there’s one more celebration to go. It’s time to have a blow out with the best New Years Eve ideas for singles out there. You may have been lamenting about being single for the entire 12 months, but on this night it’

Post Image

Signs A Woman Is Attracted To You Online — 9 Ways To Know

So many men I’ve coached and talked to, don’t understand the signs a woman is attracted to you — or not. There’s a good reason for that too. In school, you weren't taught anything about dating. You definitely didn’t learn about body language or what women want.

Post Image

11 Unspoken Rules Of Online Dating Etiquette

You know the dating scene has taken some twists and turns since online dating has hit center stage. If you’re one of the good guys, how are you supposed to know the online dating etiquette rules? If you’re looking for answers — I’ve got em! There are things